Are You Over-Committing? How to Stop in 6 Steps

Are you tired, rushed, stressed, and on the edge of burnout but still find yourself taking on more responsibilities? Do you know that you over-commit but don’t know how to stop?

Between work projects, client meetings, volunteer requests, and the everyday responsibilities of taking care of your family, your home, and yourself, it’s all you can do to get through the day and crawl into bed exhausted.

I can relate. I have said yes to so many things I shouldn’t have because I thought I was supposed to. It seemed like the “right” thing to do. But I’ve realized that that more I said yes, the more people asked of me. And then I realized that most of the things I was being asked to do were valuable, but they really weren’t right for me.

Now I’m intentional about what I am committing to. I am giving up saying yes to everything that comes my way, and I am finally gaining control of my time. I also still get to say yes to the things that matter to me, and I actually have the time to do them well instead of rushing through everything and wishing I could just get through it and be done.

Here are the 6 steps to follow to stop over-committing:

1. Pick Your Priorities

Grab a piece of paper or a note app on your phone. Jot down your top 5-10 priorities, goals, and/or values. These can be short-term or long-term, personal or professional. My list includes priorities as varied as getting 8 hours of sleep each night, spending quality time with my husband and kids, and restructuring my business. You need to have a clear idea of what matters to you so that you can start committing yourself to those things.

2. Let Go of Expectations

So often, over-committing happens because of expectations. It could be your expectations that other people put on you or expectations that you put on yourself. Either way, you have to let go of expectations and the undue stress that accompanies them.

You can read more in this article: 6 Types of Expectations to Let Go Of.

Instead of focusing your energy on expectations for what you think you are supposed to be or do, concentrate on your list of priorities from step #1. This will get you moving in the direction you want to go instead of the direction you think other people want you to go.

3. Keep a Family Schedule

If you want to quit over-committing, you have to involve the whole family. Get a planner or calendar that keeps the schedule for everyone in your household. Write out what everyone has going on and keep it in a place where everyone can look at it and see what’s going on. Then color code the schedule by family member so it’s easy to know who is scheduled when. It’s quick and easy to do if you go back over your written schedule with different colored highlighters. Visualizing what your family is already committed to will help you decide how much capacity you have left.

You can make a schedule quickly and inexpensively with Google Calendar or something like it. Give everyone in your family online access to it. You can also print it off and hang it on the refrigerator.

If you prefer to handwrite your schedule, get a planner that’s laid out in a way that makes sense to you. The Living Well Planner works really well. The weekly pages are broken down by the hour, which makes it easy to keep track of when things are happening and if anything is overlapping. It isn’t dated, so you can start with any month you want. (Bonus: It also has goal-setting pages, budgeting pages, and stickers!)

4. Schedule Personal Time

Start committing now to things that matter to you. Go back through the schedule you just made and add personal time to your calendar.

Look back at your priority list from step #1 and use that as a starting point.

If you prioritized:

• time with your family–> schedule a date night with your spouse and a movie night with your kids
• self-care–> schedule a daily walk, healthy dinner at home, or even a set bedtime
• building friendships–> schedule a get-together with friends or attend a community event where you can meet new people

The point is to make sure that you aren’t over-committing, even to things you enjoy. There is a finite amount of time in a day, and you have to learn how to budget it well!

5. Master the “Maybe”

A few years ago, my husband and I were shopping for a new-to-us vehicle. One day while our baby boy was napping, we drove around to some car lots just to look. At one quiet little car lot (that I thought was closed), I got out of the car to look at something. A salesman came out of nowhere and started asking me if I was interested in trading in my Jeep. I looked him in the eyes, shrugged my shoulders, said “Maybe” and hopped back in the Jeep and drove away.

My husband and I still laugh sometimes about my awkward “Maybe,” but I’m telling you that it works! “Maybe” will buy you time while you think about what you really want to say.

In order to stop over-committing, you need to get great at responding with a “Maybe.” In this case, “maybe” means you will think about it, check your schedule, talk to your family about it, etc.

• If your child’s teacher asks you to volunteer for the Christmas party, say “Maybe. I have to check my schedule. I’ll let you know tomorrow.” Go home, check your schedule, check your priority list, and make your decision. Don’t forget to follow through; whether your answer is yes or no, let that teacher know your decision.

• If a prospective client asks you to take on their huge account, say “Let me look it over and get back to you in two days” (or something along those lines). Check your schedule (do you have time to serve this client well?) and check your priority list (does this client fit your business goals/niche?). Follow through with the client and give them your answer in two days.

“Maybe” is not your final answer. “Maybe” gives you time to think, breathe, pray and make a good decision.

6. A Simple Yes or No

To stop over-committing, you need to make your decision, give a straight answer, and stick to it.If you seem wishy-washy about your decision, people will keep asking. If you give a super long explanation, you might come across as self-absorbed.

In one of the most well-read passages of the Bible, the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says:

Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.

Matthew 5:37a

Make it clear that you have made up your mind with a simple “Yes, I will, or “No, I won’t.”

You Can Stop Over-Committing!

By following these six steps, you can stop over-committing by:

1. Picking Your Priorities
2. Letting Go of Expectations
3. Keeping a Family Schedule
4. Scheduling Personal Time
5. Mastering the “Maybe”
6. Simply Saying “Yes” or “No”

It might take some time to figure out what you really want your schedule to look like, but the more you line up your schedule with your priorities, the more excited and less burned out you will be. Just remember to prioritize yourself too, and get some rest!